$750 Billion Dollar Bailout

Dear Wall Street Greedy Pigs and Incompetent Bankers Everywhere: We, the Congress of the American people want you to have $750-billion dollars so that you can further abuse the people’s money; even throw it down the toilet; we don’t care. But we know you’ll just pocket the money as you always do.

We want all you greedy pig CEOs to pay yourselves tens of millions of dollars each and every year, not because you did a good job and actually deserve that money (hell, no one deserves that obscene amount of money, not even Hollywood mega-stars), but because you’re able to get away with it. You do, after all, run the show.

We know there is absolutely no oversight of those payouts and golden parachutes. We know that because we’re the ones who did away with any important regulations that might prevent it. We did that because we’re just as greedy as you and we want to thank you for all the special interest money you’ve thrown our way over the years. You’ve kept us in office so that we can make laws that screw over 99.9% of the population, so that we can pay ourselves lots of money and also get away with it, so that we can buy ourselves luxurious houses and never have to worry about losing our mortgages and because, well, we just like playing Gods.

Actually, we think you’re the ones really playing Gods; that would make us your minions. But, we’re rich minions, so that will do nicely. What are you doing for dinner tonight? Want to come over and plan another bailout? Oh, I forgot, we did that already: a couple of car companies, a wooden arrow company (what was that for again? We can’t remember; we just know it was something we had to do so the American people wouldn’t continue to suffer from financial ruin.)

Love is never having to say you’re sorry. We just love you guys. And we know you love us too. originally filed Oct. 23, 2008


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